I gave my very first campus ambassador tour to a family from Singapore. As a Singaporean-American, I’m always happy to meet other Singaporeans out in the wild. I’ve only met a few at Berkeley; since the country is quite small, it’s a rare occurrence.
My whole extended family lives in Singapore, so I decided to study abroad there over summer to spend time with my relatives. Although I visit every few years, I usually stay for less than three weeks. This time, I was in Singapore for almost two months. I got to do some uniquely Singaporean things: watch a National Day Parade rehearsal at the Padang, and I explored the National Museum.
I applied through the UCEAP Global Internships program, which coordinates study abroad for the UC system. Since the Singapore program is at an international school called CIEE, I met people studying in universities from all across the US. After being in Berkeley for a while, you start to get stuck in the Berkeley mentality. When I’m at school, my social circle is pretty limited to the Bay Area bubble. So it was refreshing to be outside it. Seeing how another country operates was one part of it, but there were different perspectives even among other Americans. Meeting people from both of my home countries made me reflect a lot on my identity.
Language was one of the biggest parts of my experience. Singaporeans speak Singlish, a mixture of English, Mandarin, Malay, and other languages. And since it was once a British colony, there are British aspects as well. I don’t know how many of these terms are Singaporean vs. just non-American. But regardless, having other people use the same phrases I grew up with was really cool. For example, my mom says “top up” for adding money to a card and “filter lanes” instead of change lanes. When I was younger, I thought these were normal. Then I learned that they were Singaporean, but since we were the only ones who used those phrases, they seemed like just an odd quirk. But when we went back to Singapore, everyone was using those phrases. It’s a little like feeling isolated your whole life and then going to a place where everyone else suddenly understands you. I also learned new phrases and younger generation terms from my Singaporean co-workers. When I spent time with my study abroad friends from America, it felt like they were becoming part of the dual cultural background: they could understand both my American and Singaporean references. In some ways, it felt like I could finally be myself. I could finally be understood and let the other side of my identity flourish.
At the same time, I did feel the need to code switch. I tend to pronounce “karaoke” and “colleague” in the Singaporean way, so I always hesitate before saying them the American way. I use “college” with Americans and “uni/university” with Singaporeans and non-Americans. I grew up in the US, so I struggle to explain my schooling and grade levels to Singaporeans. I’m also mainly fluent in English, so it was difficult to translate my thoughts into Mandarin. My conversational Mandarin is not bad, but I’ve been told it has an American accent. And since I was speaking a lot of Mandarin/Singlish with my relatives, I sometimes had to think about the English word for something before saying it to my American friends.
At times, being in Singapore made me feel like I belonged even less. I didn’t grow up in Singapore, so I don’t know all the cultural norms. People can tell I’m American as soon as I speak English. But people in America don’t know the Singlish terms and habits I learned from my parents. Having two homes can feel a little like having no home. Even during study abroad, it was difficult for me to split my time between my study abroad friends, my family, and my Singaporean friends. I felt like I was being stretched thin, rushing from one place to the next. Never spending enough time with anyone.
But despite the uncertainties, I’m really glad I chose to study abroad in Singapore. It’s really nice to be around my extended family, as opposed to my nuclear family unit in the US. There’s so many people who love and support me. I also found that the fast-paced experience of study abroad made it easy to make friends. When you’re with a group of people in a very specific setting, you form strong friendships quickly. I was worried I wouldn’t meet anyone, but I was very luckily wrong. I gained so much confidence from realizing that I can make friends in any new environment.
When I look through the pictures, whether it’s with family or friends, I look so happy. I guess it’s true that home is wherever you make it. Even Berkeley is home, though it took me almost three years to feel like that. No home is perfect, but you’ll find a way to belong. If you let yourself be yourself, if you trust that you are loved, anywhere in the world will be home.