Every campus ambassador ends their tour with their Berkeley Story, a tale of how they got to where they are today. During mine, I mention that it was difficult for me to adjust in my first year. It took a long time for me to feel like I belonged at Berkeley. I usually don’t have time to expand beyond that, but I’d like to do so now.
During freshman orientation week, I remember a lot of the presentations included the phrase “you belong here.” Honestly, I think it’s kind of hard to feel that way in a school of 40,000 students. It’s difficult to feel connected at such a big school, and it’s difficult to feel like you measure up to all these other amazing people. And being told you belong doesn't automatically make you feel at home. It just becomes another standard to live up to. “I should feel like I belong, but I don’t, so I must be doing something wrong.”
I did have some awareness that other people felt the same way, but it was hard to see. It seemed like everyone else was making friends and fitting in. A lot of college advice says you have to put yourself out there to find your communities. But that’s not easy. Some people are so good at starting conversations, and I felt bad that I wasn’t. I felt like I had to copy their personalities in order to be social. And when it didn’t work, I felt like I wasn’t trying hard enough.
It wasn’t like I had no friends. I had a friend group that I met during orientation week, and we’re still friends today. But at the time, I didn’t know that would be the case; I’d heard of people losing all their friends after freshman year, and I was worried that could happen to me. Also, the longest I’d known anyone in that group was a year. This was a sharp contrast to high school; in senior year, I had close friends that I’d known for four years. So I felt like I’d lost my support system and couldn’t find one in Berkeley.
Going into my second year, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was more familiar with the campus itself, and I had some friends in clubs. I also became a campus ambassador, which helped me meet new people and gain a deeper appreciation of Berkeley. And I started texting and calling my family regularly, which made me feel more connected in general.
There were still periods when I felt really lonely, though. It was my first year at my job, so I didn’t really know anyone. Most of them seemed to be super good at making friends, which made me wonder why I couldn't do the same. I remember knowing very few of my classmates, so I’d sit through lectures alone. I joined a few more clubs, but sometimes I would be too anxious to talk to anyone. Even though I put myself out there, it didn’t always work out.
I could say it took until my junior year to belong, which I’m halfway through now. But I also don’t want to put a cap on my journey. I think there’s always room for growth, and I wish I fit in more sometimes. I thought I belonged in sophomore year, and I feel like I belong this year, but so much more could happen in senior year. I do think junior year has been a lot better. When I got back to campus in fall, I remember running into friends almost every day. Berkeley feels smaller when you have people to wave to, whether they’re tabling on Sproul Plaza or walking to class. I got closer to people from previous years that I thought were cool, and we text every day now. I even (accidentally) introduced them to my high school friends, so now my support systems have kind of combined. In lectures, I sit with classmates from both previous years and this semester. I also started going to identity-based community spaces that have plenty of resources and events. Just scrolling through my camera roll, I see so many pictures of Berkeley places and people that make me happy.
I guess I don’t have specific advice on how to feel like you belong. My main point is, it might take a lot of time; it took me three whole years. I felt like I was supposed to adapt faster. But I realized I might just need a long time to get used to new situations.
Without time, I wouldn’t have been able to deepen my friendships. And explore all that campus has to offer. I couldn’t possibly know about every resource in my first year. Even if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to utilize them all at once. If I’d decided to quit some organizations, I wouldn’t have the friends I do now. Of course there’s spaces I decided to leave, but that knowledge comes with experience. I had to learn what I liked and disliked, and where I thought I could or couldn't fit in.
Not everyone will have a perfect first or even second year. Have patience with yourself, and remember that everyone adjusts at different paces. Being cautious can be a good thing: it means that when you’ve adjusted, you’ll know for sure that you’re meant to be here.
I’ve realized how lucky I am to attend a school as prestigious as Berkeley. And after two-and-a-half years here, I truly feel like a part of it.