Last semester, I participated in Berkeley Dreams Big, an event hosted by the Berkeley Residence Hall Association for students living in university-owned housing. Students can apply for an item or tool within $200 that will help them achieve their dreams. All participants are invited to a year-end banquet whether or not they’re selected. While I was at the banquet, they told us to write down a few dreams or goals.
Back then, I wrote that I wanted certain leadership positions in my clubs or programs. However, when applications opened up this semester, I felt differently. I realized that with my current workload and roles, I would not have time for a new position. I ended up not applying at all. Part of me was worried I was giving up on my goals. But I reframed it as understanding myself better and allocating my time to things that matter most. I want to have enough energy for my current involvements. I tend to question my decisions, so I still don’t know if I’ve made the right choice yet. In another light, though, I’m not sure there is a “right” or “wrong” choice; I’ll learn either way.
This made me consider how several of my other dreams have changed during my time in college. Sometimes it feels like I’m quitting or losing my old self. But that also makes room for growth.
I tell people that my dream job used to be an author. It’s a way of contextualizing my personality and interests – I want other creative writers to know I’m one of them. So when I decided to switch my major from English to double major in Media Studies and Sociology, I dealt with a lot of internal conflict. Identity-wise, I didn’t know if I was still a writer, and career-wise, I had no idea what I wanted.
I still don’t have a concrete answer. However, I do know that college has opened my eyes to new possibilities. I’ve spoken to people from so many backgrounds in job positions I’d never even heard of before. Some of them have the same major but went on vastly different career paths, while others began from different backgrounds but ended up in the field I’m interested in.
Speaking of people I’ve met, I used to be drawn to people with similar traits and values as me. Over time, I’ve realized that having friends of different mindsets can help balance out relationships. For example, I’m someone who cares more about emotions than logic, so I relate best to people who feel strongly. But recently, I’ve been gravitating towards people with a more logical mental framework. While they may not understand me the same way, they can offer practical solutions, and they tend to be less sensitive to my actions.
In turn, that’s influenced how I envision my ideal self. I used to want to be liked by everyone. Not necessarily to be popular, but I was worried that being dislikable would lead to negative consequences. But trying to appeal to everyone takes a lot of emotional energy. I feel like I have to hide parts of myself and put up with things that bother me.
Rather than that, I want to be a person who communicates my boundaries tactfully but assertively. I want to feel comfortable being myself. Instead of trying to accommodate everyone, I want to be mentally healthy enough to hear how they want me to accommodate them. If I’m actively trying to be liked, it feels like a personal failure when someone dislikes me. But if I try to be myself, feedback is just a part of the learning process. I’m learning to accept that I can’t be everything I want to be. But I don’t need to be. We’re allowed to change our minds as we change our lives.