This is a story about a girl who went from sporting a lifelong aversion to dance, to participating in UC Berkeley’s oldest student-run dance organization for over half of her undergraduate career.
One thing about me? I’ve always loved risk aversion. It makes life feel safe, somewhat predictable, and within my control. I’ve mostly lived my life by assessing my personal strengths and playing into them, minimizing the level of risk in every decision I make.
Dance had never been my strength. Choreography rarely stuck in my head. I felt awkward moving my long limbs around and always felt that I had two left feet. Until college, I avoided dance like the plague, but somehow, it still found its way to me.
By my sophomore year at Cal, I met my two best friends, both proud members of Danceworx. During the Winter of 2022, I attended their end-of-semester performance at Zellerbach Hall, in absolute awe of the talent displayed on stage. I was drawn to the performance not only because of the impressive choreography, but also because of how thrilled everyone looked to be up on stage performing with their friends. It felt like I was getting a glimpse into one, big, happy family.
I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was peer pressure from my best friends. Maybe it was a gut feeling. Maybe a mix of both. But come Spring 2023, I auditioned for Danceworx, having never auditioned for anything dance-related in my entire life.
That audition was probably one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever done. Within an hour, I was expected to learn and replicate brand-new choreography taught by the Danceworx leadership team… outside of SPROUL HALL (objectively one of the most public places on campus). I was dancing alongside people who had been dancing their whole lives, feeling so clunky and out-of-place. Although the Danceworx team was incredibly welcoming, I couldn’t help but feel humiliated. I had not played into my strengths. It felt like I was the worst dancer there, and I felt like I had failed.
I don’t know how I made the team.
But I did it. They took a chance on me and I knew one thing was for sure: I wasn’t going to let them down. Because choreography left my brain as soon as it entered, I practiced between rehearsals over and over again, just so that I could catch up with everyone else. My walks to class turned into secret dance jam sessions when I’d run through each piece in my head. During my runs on the RSF treadmills, I’d prop my phone up in front of me with videos from rehearsal on repeat. The tough reality was that I was still the most uncoordinated and forgetful dancer at practice, but leaving my comfort zone lit a fire in me. I kept trying.
Over time, things started to get easier. Each passing semester, I experimented with new dance styles, from Tap to Jazz. What began as an anxiety-inducing, “lets see where this goes” audition soon turned into an 8-hour weekly commitment that I looked forward to every day. Without my knowledge, I had accidentally joined that “one, big, happy family” that I marveled at from the Zellerbach audience back in 2022. I even began to MC our end-of-semester showcases!
If you had told my freshman-year self that I would be devastated to leave a dance organization upon graduation, I would have said you had the wrong girl. But after 5 semesters of dancing with the Danceworx, I can safely say that it changed my life.
I used to be petrified of taking risks. I think many students at Berkeley feel the same way. We get so caught up in doing the next right thing and playing to our strengths, whether it’s acing that paper or landing that internship, that the prospect of risk-taking is out of the question. But now, after taking a risk and putting myself in the position to fail, I’ve realized that failing isn’t so bad. In fact, failing can reveal things about yourself you would have never known otherwise. Quite honestly, failing brought me some of my fondest college memories.
Before I started college at Berkeley, I saw myself in California forever. I was playing it safe because that’s all I knew. Now I can eagerly say that I just turned 22, and I’m set to move to New York City in September (the Big Apple baby). I’m taking that risk because I’ve learned that life is kinda fun when you can’t fully predict what’s going to happen next. One minute you could be doing the same old thing you’ve always known, and the next you could be leaping across the Zellerbach stage confronting your lifelong fears.
So next time you’re choosing between playing it safe or making that leap, take it from me – a girl with two left feet. Sometimes one big leap can change everything.